Welcome to the Real World, Mister
by winter2
Summary: Sam Winchester and his brother Dean live in a world without death, illness, crime, and monsters. Everybody on Earth is happy. Until a man in a trench coat claims to be an angel of the lord and is adamant that their situation is not natural.
1. Chapter 1

"This is where I've stored some of my copies of all those precious books our Leviathan friends destroyed."

Bobby Singer stood by his blue 1968 Ford F-350 as Dean and Sam Winchester climbed out of their black 1967 Chevrolet Impala. They were staring disbelievingly at a large library - the largest, in fact: The Library of Congress in Washington, D.C.

"Here?" asked Sam, never taking his eyes off the one hundred and fourteen year old building.

"Don't look like such an idjit, son. I told you, I got contacts."

As the trio started up the steps, Dean began to process. When Bobby had called telling them to meet at 101 Independence Ave in Washington, DC he had no idea that was where the Library of Congress' main building was housed. Frankly, Dean tried not to pay too much attention to where the feds were located.

It was around 11:30 at night, two hours after the library closed to researchers and four and a half after it closed to the public. Bobby's contact, a blonde woman who didn't say much except "Introductions aren't important", was waiting to open the door then led them through the lobby and up many flights of stairs until they reached a wall that was really a door.

"I feel like Nicholas Cage in National Treasure. I even got a bad reputation with the cops!" Dean joked as the woman opened the hidden door for them.

"Three hours is the most I can give you this time, Bobby."

"No problem, hon. We'll holler when we're done." Bobby watched his friend leave as Sam and Dean entered the secret room then Bobby followed the boys.

Bobby flipped up the light switch to illuminate a large room lined with bookshelves that were half full, the rest of the books were haphazardly strewn on a long table and a few wooden chairs.

"This is impressive, Bobby!" Sam stroked the pages of an open book. I think this is actually papyrus!"

"I've got quite a few ancient texts, here…"

"And some modern ones, I see." Dean held up a paperback copy of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

"So I enjoy reading about a bespectacled boy wizard. Sue me."

"Why are we here, Bobby?"

"Some of the other hunters are nervous. They are saying the Mother is walking the Earth again."

"Mother? As in Eve? I thought we killed that bitch."

"That's why we are here, to see if there was any way to resurrect her and if there is any way to find more phoenix ashes. Start digging."

* * *

><p>Two hours later and most of the books had made it back onto shelves having been read and set aside. Sam flipped through the pages of a small book, too tired to actually read it. He came across a loose sheet of papyrus stuck between the pages; a short paragraph was inscribed upon it.<p>

"Hey, Dean. Check this out." he said while setting the book down and bringing the page into better light. "It looks really old." Bobby snored in the corner.

"What's it say?" asked Dean, setting down an old King James Bible that he had been desperately flipping through to find a way to get his angel, Castiel, back from the dead.

"I don't know. It's all Greek to me." Sam smirked. "Seriously. It's written in Greek," he added when Dean gave him a look.

"Bobby knows Greek." Dean shook Bobby awake. "Hey, Bobby, can you read this?"

"Let's see," Bobby took the paper and cleared his throat. "Give me some time to remember how to read this language." As Bobby started at the page and made funny faces, Sam and Dean continued to pour through books.

"Hey, Sammy?" Dean set down the bible he was holding.

"Yea?" His younger brother didn't look up from Harry Potter. He was an innocent (well, as innocent as a monster hunter can be) man and Dean didn't want to hurt him more than has already been done. Sam has watched Dean die and come back from Hell, gone to Hell himself, come back soulless which made him do immoral things, then upon getting his soul back, he went a bit crazy and starting seeing the Devil everywhere. Sam has already lost his parents, college girlfriend, werewolf girlfriend, and had his demon girlfriend manipulate him. Dean didn't exactly want to tell his brother that another woman Sam loved also died. At Dean's hands. After Sam told him not to hurt her.

"Sammy I-" Dean leaned his hands on the table and sighed deeply. Sam looked up from being successful at finding a specific part in Harry Potter without even trying. He was such a Potterhead. "Sammy, I killed Amy Pond and I don't mean the ginger that travels in a blue box." Dean finally blurted out.

"Excuse me?"

"Boys, I think I found something interesting."

"Not now, Bobby."

"No, I think you need to hear this now. It sounds like a summoning prayer for God. If we can find God, we might be able to get rid of the Leviathan."

"And bring back Cass?"

"And have him smite you for killing my friend when I specifically told you she wasn't going to hurt anybody?"

"What now?"

"Just read the prayer, Bobby. Then we can duke it out."

Sam glared at Dean but finally nodded his head. Bobby started to read in Greek.

"O δώσει τις ευχαριστίες προς τον Κυριον? Γιατί είναι καλό? Για endureth έλεος του για πάντα. Κύριε Ιησού Χριστέ, Υιέ του Θεού, ελέησόν με τον αμαρτωλό. Σε αυτή την ώρα της απελπιστική ανάγκη, όταν όλα έχουν χαθεί και ο καθένας υποφέρει, σας ζητάμε να μας σώσει. Φέρτε πίσω τα παιδιά και οι πατέρες μας, τον τερματισμό του πόνου, και Κύριε, ελέησον."


	2. Chapter 2

Mr. Dean Winchester of 3807 Hunters Hill Drive in Lawrence, Kansas awoke at 9:30 on a Tuesday morning after a restful sleep. He got out of bed without waking his wife Lisa, and said a silent prayer to God: _Thank you, Lord, for letting me choose my work schedule._

Dean enjoyed his job and how late he could sleep in and how much time he spent with his family. It was perfect.

His wife got to sleep as much as she wanted, being her own boss and all. She didn't have to work because Dean made so much but she chose to because she loved what she did. Their son Ben had a light school schedule, passed all of his classes, and was dating the girl of his dreams.

After showering, Dean called his brother at exactly 10:05 am, just as he had done every morning since... Well, for as long as he could remember.

"Hey, Sammy! I was thinking we could go huntin' this weekend. Moose is in season."

"Hahaha, you're so funny. Jerk. Tell Ben I got him orange paint balls for his gun."

"He'll like that, thanks. Has Jess reserved the hall for Mom and Dad's party?"

"Yep, we finalized last night. And then Mom called and said they're doing a quiet dinner tonight with the family. We said we'd tell you and come over around 6. Sound good?"

"Yea, sounds perfect. I hope they don't hate us too much for planning this surprise party."

"Hey, you know our parents. They probably already know and are just letting us have our fun."

"Eh, that's true. Well, I'll see ya at 6, then."

Actually, Dean saw his brother before that. They both leave their houses for work at the same time and, being neighbours, they pretty much walk in sync to their cars, Dean to his '67 Chevy Impala and Sam to his 2012 Toyota Prius.

They raced each other to work and rode the elevator to the seventh floor together and when they got to their offices, they closed the main doors then opened the big one that connected the rooms.

"I still say we should knock this wall down, move your shit to my side and set up a giant screen on that side. Epic Wii dance parties would ensue." Dean said, his feet on his desk and hands over his head.

"Why do I have to move my stuff?" Sam was signing some papers.

"Because you're the younger brother."

Dean would never have settled for working with a corporate attorney if his brother hadn't asked him to be his assistant. Then Dean decided to go to law school and now the brothers own Winchester and Winchester Law Firm.

Dean was happy because his brother was happy.

* * *

><p>The day passed smoothly as every day before had. They made deals, their clients were happy, Jess and Lisa visited them for lunch, and there was no after-work traffic.<p>

Around six o'clock that evening, Dean, Lisa, Ben, Sam, and Jess walked to the other side of Dean's house to Mr. and Mrs. John Winchester's place.

Mary Winchester squealed when she saw how much their grandson had grown, how far along Jess was in her pregnancy, and how handsome her two sons still were. Lisa handed her a fresh apple pie, Mary's favorite, and Mary squealed some more. John finally got them all ushered into the sitting room where he poured wine and soda and whiskey then sat down to inquire about his family's life while the women joined in occasionally from the adjoining kitchen.

"Ben passed his algebra test, did he tell you?"

"Mom, please. That's not interesting. Michael Jackson is since he just released a new album! I've heard a few songs and they rock!"

"How is that man real? He's so freaking talented I'm a bit jealous." Dean sipped his whiskey.

"Oh, hey. Something else I can use against you," Sam pretended to write in a book. "It's right up there with you wearing women's underwear and you actually owning an Air Supply CD."

"Wait! What is this about women's underwear, Dean? They had better not have been mine. Or they better have… Yea, no, neither of those situations is good." Lisa called out from the kitchen where she was slicing carrots.

"I was 19 and it was a dare and I didn't enjoy it." Dean said defensively, putting his hands in the air.

"That's not what you told me after it happened." Sam smirked.

Everybody laughed while Dean blushed and tried to yell over the laughter that Sam was lying.

"Not true, man! You're a cruel brother, Sammy. You have no soul! I told you that in confidence."

"Well, son, I must say the Air Supply CD is what has me worried. Have I taught you nothing about music?" John refilled everybody's glasses. "We are from Kansas and therefore to Kansas we must listen."

"Preach it, sister. Brother. Father. Whatever." Sam shook his head and laughed. "I've been watching too much Glee, all I think about is Journey songs!"

"Sam... watches... Glee..." Dean pretended to write in a book. "Yea, I keep track of stuff I got on you, too."

"Journey. Air Supply. _Glee_! These can't be my sons. Honey, you watch the news, any freaky stuff we should watch out for?"

"Paranormal Activity 4 is coming to theatres soon. And Justin Beaver or whatever is on tour." Mary said with a smile.

The conversation continued to get off track as dinner was served. The family sat around the table, laughing and smiling and having a grand time. Nothing could go wrong in this world.

Outside, a man appeared. He wore a dress shirt, black jacket, blue tie, and a trench coat.


	3. Chapter 3

Before spying on Dean Winchester, Castiel had suddenly found himself in heaven.

Literally, he was back amongst the angels. His brothers Gabriel, Raphael, Zachariah, Uriel, Balthazar, and Virgil were there as well.

"Aren't we supposed to be dead?" Cass inquired.

"Or trapped in another dimension?" Virgil said with an air of contempt.

"Looks like God brought me back for sweet revenge on dear little Castiel." Balthazar pulled out his blade and stepped closer to Cass.

"Woah, hey. I learned my lesson when the Leviathan ripped me to shreds. You can just put that away, Balthazar."

"Seriously, guys. I know we all got beefs with each other but we're back and that means we get a second chance, right?"

"You always were very optimistic, Gabriel." The angels all turned to see Lucifer. Michael, Anna, and Rachel were at his sides. "It's touching, really."

"We don't want your kind here, Lucifer. Kindly leave."

"I'm hurt, brother Uriel. And we are brothers in case you've forgotten. We should love each other, and forgive each other. Gabriel, I truly am sorry I had to kill you."

"I don't forgive Castiel for his actions." Raphael said immaturely.

"You and me both, Raph." Balthazar tightened his grip on his blade.

"Enough of this," Cass interjected. "Shouldn't we be the least bit curious as to why we are all here? Something feels off about this whole situation. For one, where are all the souls?"

The resurrected angels looked around and only saw other angels. No human souls in their personal heavens.

"Maybe they've gone to Disneyland." An excited Gabriel hopped up and down. "Can we join them, Cass? Pretty please?"

"I don't think they've gone to Disneyland, Gabe." Lucifer said, sternly. "They've obviously gone to Hogwarts." Lucifer smirked.

"Hogwarts isn't real."

"Shut up Uriel. The Wizarding World of Harry Potter exists, your argument is invalid."

"I could ask God what is going on but he hasn't been talking to me…" Michael stared at his feet, somewhat embarrassed by the fact that is father can't muster up the dignity to at least send his eldest son a sign.

"Boo hoo, poor Michael. Dad hasn't talked to me in my entire existence. He prefers Luci so maybe we'll let him call up Daddy on the Angel Network, yea?" Gabriel turned to Lucifer who had been comforting Michael. An odd gesture on his part, as Mike and Luci never got on well.

"And what would I say? Should I ask why he's brought you to life? Should I complain that we don't want to see each other? I actually like this little family reunion. It's nice to see something other than Michael's ugly mug. And Sam's for a time."

"I've just been to Earth where I ran into Elvis Presley, and I am not talking about the actors in Vegas." Nobody had noticed Raphael leave but when he got back, the angels got startled then faced him. "People who were once dead walk the Earth once again. Castiel is right, as much as I hate agreeing with him."

And so, after more arguments and sarcastic remarks, they finally divided up the work by sending Lucifer to Hell to check on things and Zachariah to Joshua to ask some questions. Cass was sent to Earth to see if anything else was amiss. He was able to locate the brothers Winchester because the Enochian Sigils were missing from their ribs.

He stood watching them through their dining room window while in his head, Lucifer gave an update on Hell and Zachariah sent a message that Joshua had no knowledge of the events or how to stop it. Cass began to piece together the puzzle. He only knew of one thing that could change the universe this drastically.

"'Ello, Castiel."

Speak of the devil.

The voice came from a young girl who stood behind him. She looked innocent in her white dress but Cass knew better – this was just a vessel.

"Kyrie. I knew this could only be your work." Kyrie smiled but Castiel saw the slight smirk behind the gesture. "Fix it."

"They asked for this, Castiel," Her English accent turned Cass' name into something that would be lodged in the back of one's throat: Cahh-stiel instead of Caas-tiel. "I've done nothing wrong."

"It's not natural."

"Then is it supernatural?" Kyrie winked at Cass.

"This isn't funny, Kyrie. Reverse it. Now."

Kyrie looked through the window and realized at whom it was Cass was looking.

"Does it make you sad that Dean Winchester has no memories of you, but you remember every second you spent with him? Is wee little Castiel jealous of the family on which he spies? I can take away your memories if you like. Then everybody can live happily ever after."

"Heaven is missing its souls, Hell is filled to the brim with demons, all monsters were sent to purgatory, and Earth is overrun with people who never did bad things."

"That sounds good to me. Everybody gets their family since there is plenty of food and gas and money and nobody dies and nobody gets sick. Kyrie eleison, Castiel. Lord, have mercy, and I have."

"Reverse the spell." Cass said adamantly.

"I can't." Kyrie started to walk away.

"NOW, Kyrie!" Cass brought out his angelic blade.

"Or what?" Kyrie asked while turning around. She caught sight of the blade. "You'll kill me?" Kyrie burst out into a fit of laughter. Cass lunged forward and sank his blade into Kyrie's heart then stepped back. She looked down at it then into Cass' face. Kyrie pulled out the blade and looked at it. "Angelic. Not archangelic. Pity. You are not high enough on the food chain to kill me, Castiel. And anyway, you can't kill God."


	4. Chapter 4

"You are not God, Kyrie." Cass said, stepping backwards.

"'Kyrie' is Greek for 'The Lord'-" She said, stepping toward Cass and pointing his blade at him.

"That does not mean you are God!" Cass backed into a lamppost. Kyrie was suddenly in his face, her arm pinning his chest against the post, his own blade at his throat.

"Then why can't you kill me with your little blade, eh?"

"I- Like you said, it's not an archangel blade. Perhaps _that_ is all you are." Cass gasped as Kyrie's right fist clenched around his clothes at his neck and his blade in her left hand got closer to his neck. "Please don't kill me." Cass' voice got smaller.

"God doesn't kill as He pleases-"

"Oh, 'he', huh?"

"Shut up!" Kyrie used her hold on Cass' clothes to bring him out a bit then slam him back into the lamppost. "Raphael once used a female body, right? As did _you_, Castiel! It's not uncommon. This vessel was convenient."

"Convenient? You've had that vessel for centuries! I've known you for a long time, Kyrie. I've known you intimately, or have you forgotten? I _know_ you are not God."

"Have you ever actually met Him! 'Cause _I have_! He's-" Kyrie let go of Cass who slumped to the ground at the foot of the lamppost and breathed heavily. "He's not- He's nowhere to be found so where's the harm in me taking over for Him, huh?"

"And _where_ have _you_ been when we've called for God? Gone from the world just like God is. You were nowhere to be found until the Winchesters read that spell!"

"THAT THING IS A CURSE!" Kyrie had been walking away but she turned back around to glare at Cass. Cass looked up to see her hand clenched tightly around his angelic blade. Her face was red and she looked ready to cry. "I had no choice but to bring everybody back, to give people Heaven on Earth!"

"I know that, Kyrie. It doesn't give you the right to claim to be God, though!" Cass rubbed his chest even though Kyrie only grabbed his clothes. "And why would you want to?"

"Because I feel like a god, Castiel. I made everybody on Earth and in Heaven, happy. I feel… like something good actually came out of this. Who cares if it's unnatural? That the angels and demons remember what life was like before this? Do you really want to ruin _his _happiness?" Kyrie pointed through the window at Dean.

The Winchesters had finished eating their dinner and were laughing at something as Mary cleared the dishes and Jess and Lisa handed out bowls of ice cream and apple pie.

"He doesn't know anything about Hell or Hellhounds or the Leviathan and your betrayal and subsequent death. Bobby, Ellen, Joanna, and Pamela aren't dead and they have their families-"

"But they don't know the Winchesters, they don't have those memories!"

"You would rather they had hunted monsters, seen horrible truths, and died brutal deaths than lived a quiet and happy life?"

"Yes. At least they lived and truly appreciated life!" Cass was grateful for the realm between worlds, it allowed two angels to have a heated argument about an alternate universe without nosy humans butting in and calling the police about a domestic disturbance.

"I have seen the future they would have had if they never read that curse. Bobby dies, Castiel. I know you liked him." Cass shrugged his shoulders and looked at the ground. "Well, I'm conflicted! I want them to be happy and I want you to be happy and I want to be a god and I want to be rid of this curse and I-" Kyrie shook her head. "I- If you had been there- What if God comes back?"

"Forget about what _He,_" Cass pointed to the sky, "Would think. If God didn't want this he would have stopped Fate from cursing you in the first place. Maybe this is a test. Reverse it and prove to God that you deserve these powers."

"I can't." Kyrie said plainly.

"Kyrie-"

"I don't mean I won't, Castiel, I mean I _can't_. I don't know how. Fate certainly won't willingly release me and reverse this. Maybe if we destroyed the paper on which the curse is written…"

"That's a good start." Cass turned to enter Dean's parents' house. "Let's go ask for it."

"Castiel, I don't think they would have it! Bobby had it in his secret stash when he read it!"

But Cass wasn't listening; he just wanted Dean to see him. Maybe Dean did remember him and Kyrie was lying to him. She's done that many times before…

He made himself visible to the human world and walked to the front door and rang the doorbell then pounded on the door a few times. Cass felt anxious all of a sudden.

"Yea, I'm coming!" It was Dean's voice. And his footsteps were getting closer to the door. Kyrie stayed invisible and by the lamppost. She shook her head but let Cass go and talk to Dean. _He needs this,_ she thought. _It won't make him happy but he needs this._

_Oh, boy,_ Cass thought . _What if he doesn't recognize me? What if he slams the door in my face because he does recognize me and he hates me for the Purgatory thing? What if I can't think of what to say? Oh, god, what do I say! I can't just ask for an old piece of paper he might not have lying around. I can't mention alternate futures and angels and, God!, he'd think I'm crazy! If he doesn't recognize me, that is._

_What if he does?_

"Can I help you?"


	5. Chapter 5

Dean had reached the door and undone the lock. When he opened it, Cass was standing there with his mouth agape, hands at his side, every inch of him telling him to fly away. But then Dean would think _he_ was crazy.

"Can I help you?" Dean asked the man in the trench coat.

"Who is it, son!" Dean's dad yelled from the kitchen.

"Haven't gotten that far!"

"I'm sorry, Dean." Cass turned away.

"Wait, how do you know my name?" Dean exited the house, closed the door, and followed Cass toward the lamppost.

"Just forget about me. Your life is easier that way."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing." Cass flew away and Dean startled a bit at his sudden disappearance. Kyrie stepped out of the angel world and tapped Dean's forehead, erasing this small occurrence and implanting a false memory.

* * *

><p>"It was just some bible thumper. No big deal." Dean said as he sat back down at the table.<p>

"Well, we were just talking about what to do tomorrow. Your mother says she has a check to cash and I volunteered to drive her." Lisa took a sip of wine.

"I still don't see why I have to go with you girls." John crossed his arms.

"Just because, Dad." Sam said.

"You're not planning a surprise party for us, are you?" Mary asked.

"Of course not!"

* * *

><p>"Castiel!" Kyrie bellowed. She finally found him sulking outside of Bobby's house.<p>

"It would be here, right?"

"Probably not, Bobby never became a hunter, we wouldn't need an old tex-"

"So wherever it was when he read from it?"

"The Library of Congress? Possibly."

"How do you know they were at the Library of Congress?"

"You're feeling down right now, Castiel. No need to make you suffer through an explanation of… supernatural… things…" Kyrie waved her hands in the air, trying desperately to change the subject.

"Why do you always lie to me, Kyrie?"

"It's a safeguard. I don't let people get too close so that they can't disappoint me and I can't disappoint them." Kyrie dropped her arms, admitting defeat.

"You've disappointed me by becoming a manipulative bitch."

"Geez, Castiel. Tell me how you really feel."

"Sometimes, I think you and Fate are the same person: mean, bitchy, rude, evil."

"Those are pretty much all synonyms for each other…"

"What is with your bipolar personality today!"

"A personality cannot be bipolar. If you spent your time on Earth _studying _it, instead of gallivanting around with Batman and Robin, maybe you'd understand why I really don't want to reverse this even though it means I'm still, technically, caged." Cass just stared at her. "Humans deserve to be happy, Castiel."

"This is false happiness, though. A person needs to experience pain, suffering, and sadness in order to fully appreciate and understand happiness." Cass turned away from Bobby's house and Kyrie saw tears in his eyes. "When you were picked on by the other angels, didn't you come to me and feel true happiness?"

"If I reverse this, you die again and Dean… While he'll know who you are, he'll know you betrayed him and-"

"Yes, I'll be the dead, fallen angel. Big deal. I can't live knowing Dean doesn't know me."

"Then let me just take away your memories!"

"No, Fate had the curse only take away human memories for a reason. She thought nobody could find the spell and read it so she didn't want this to happen. I have to fix it."

"How do you know that?"

"She's _Fate_, Kyrie! She needs people to die; it's part of her job! She just wanted to lock you away for the rest of time."

"And if we reverse this, I'm caged again?"

"If we burn the paper, it could reverse the spell and free you from the chains."

"And re-kill all the Jews and the innocent people who died in wars-"

"Yes, but that's life, Kyrie. Life and death come hand in hand."

"Funny, I've never seen Death hold anybody's hand…"

"KYRIE!"

"Right, sorry. Look, I'll be honest. I knew they were at the Library of Congress because part of the curse is to know where the paper is, who has it, what's being done with it, but never being able to get to it and read it for myself. It's almost been read several times before Bobby read it. Nobody's been able to pronounce my name correctly." Kyrie gave Cass a small smile.

"So you've been locked away, knowing what's going on in the world and unable to join it?"

"Until now! I can finally be myself again! I can see Gabe! Look, I know that this world is a bit wonky and some people have never met, but… nobody's suffering. Isn't that always a good thing?"

"I-"

"I think that you wanting this spell reversed makes you selfish because you just want Dean to know who you are again."

"There's no easy solution to this…"

"God wanted his creations to be happy. But then he abandoned them and things fell to ruins. I am here to fix this mess."

"What if he didn't abandon everybody? What if this was part of his plan?" Cass shed a single tear. "All the suffering and angst. And letting people handle themselves and get over things and solve problems on their own?"

"Well, if we can find the selfish bastard, we can ask him what to do about all of this."

"How did you have to power to do this to the world? Yes, angels can travel in time and bring people back, but they can't to it all at once and on so large a scale." Cass turned suspiciously to Kyrie.

"It was all Fate. She put her powers into the curse, combined with mine and used me as a vessel." Kyrie clapped her hands together. "So where shall we look for God?"


End file.
